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Holy crap, I’m married! May 22, 2012

Posted by shaunphilly in Culture and Society, Polyamory.
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Like, for real.  Like, marriage license, wedding, reception, and all the rest that goes with it.

Damn, why do I always stand so awkwardly?

So, Ginny is more into things like traditions, cultural rituals, etc than I am.  In fact, she would pretty much have to be.  But on the whole, the day was pretty normal, at first glance.  There was a guy standing between us saying some words, there was a bridal party, and we stood there looking at each other all lovingly and crap.  You know, like a wedding.

But the guy standing there (my friend Staks) said some non-traditional things.  The nod to gay marriage (we were at a gay community center in downtown Philadelphia, after all), references to Doctor Who, and stuff like that.  He also included some traditional words that one finds in a marriage ceremony, but no references to any sky-fairies or zombie Jews, so that’s a bit abnormal, I guess.

Also, my girlfriend, the hilarious and talented Gina who readers here will all know as the very serious scientist who pisses off reddit with her analysis of comic book science, brought some people with instruments to play some rocking tunes.  (And yes, Arcati Crisis does indeed rock).  So, yes, girlfriend at my wedding.  Happy poly time!

There were speeches, including one quite sappy and teary one which was forced out through sobs (oh, right…that was me).  There was food, drinks, after parties, and crashing of other wedding parties.  Also, dancing to said rocking tunes.

People visited from out of town, mimosas were had with brunch, and people left to go back home.  Now back to real life, right?

This does not change much in our lives.  We are still polyamorous; marriage and commitment do not change that.  I am looking forward to the future, living in the present, and remembering the past few days with a smile, but also knowing that we can’t always have the people we enjoy being with around.

It was great seeing friends from Atlanta, Illinois, Virginia, etc for a couple of days.  It’s a shame that we can’t all hang out on a Saturday night, in a hotel room, with drinks and ginormous pizzas every week.  It’s a shame that everyone had to go home.

But many of them remain, and I am glad for that.

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Comments»

1. Jim Lawler - May 22, 2012

Love this post! I am very happy for you!

2. jessiethebard - May 29, 2012

It was a beautiful day, the “ceremony” and the festivities and all, although the weather was also nice. I’m glad to have captured some of the great moments on camera, it makes me fantastically overjoyed that you and Ginny were happy with the photos, especially seeing them here and thinking with very child-like pride “Hey, I took that picture! Oh! I took that picture too!”

3. ChaChaChica - May 31, 2012

Congratulations!!

I think about marriage – in an institutional sense – a fair amount. I am curious, what was your motivation behind “tying the knot”?

I am married, primarily for legal reasons: immigration, insomuch as the US doesn’t recognize Canadian Common-Law unions so it was the only way I could move with my partner – long story, only relevant in as much as I wouldn’t be marred otherwise. I simply don’t believe in the institution (for myself), especially in the context that I/we do not want children. Might have something to do with the fact that between my two parents there are six divorces and seven marriages.

Given your beliefs as presented throughout the blog, how do you reconcile the institution of marriage for yourself, between skeptical thought and an unconventional lifestyle choice.

(Note: I ask out of curiosity – I hope my question doesn’t seem confrontational in an way.)

Best Regards!

4. shaunphilly - May 31, 2012

I have, for most of my life, thought of marriage as a somewhat obsolete (or quickly becoming obsolete in the West) institution. But the simple fact is that marriage carries legal consequences, responsibilities, and privileges which were helpful to us.

If one of us becomes sick, do we trust our families to make the decisions we want?

At bottom it became clear that we had both found a pretty idea partner, and that we knew that we wanted to be with one-another throughout our lives. There is a conversation between us that will last for many years, and there will be much to learn from each other. The question is why two such people would not take on the legal responsibilities and privileges, so long as the ability to do so still exists.

Also, we really care about each other and wanted to declare so publicly with an awesome party.

5. Angie Tupelo - June 24, 2012

Just FYI- When I searched “smug polyamory” on google images, the first pic is in the 2nd page of results, and the spinny dress and 5-some picture are on the 4th page. I giggled with glee…

6. Transitions | atheist, polyamorous skeptics - January 14, 2014

[…] in 2012, Ginny and I got married.  Our living situation was not ideal, our financial situation not great, but our relationships […]


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