Compersion OVERLOAD May 20, 2012Posted by Gina in Skepticism and atheism.
Yesterday was a beautiful day in Philadelphia. The sun came up and it was immediately bright and sunny with barely a cloud in the sky. It was warm but not oppressive. Driving through the streets to get to the William Way Center, I saw so many people out and about, sipping on coffee or sitting in the window seats of cafes having brunch. It is on days like this that the prettiness and excellence of the city is undeniable.
But perhaps everything looked so good to me because I was off to load in with Arcati Crisis to play at Shaun and Ginny’s wedding.
On Friday night, Wes and I went and dropped off a ton of stuff at the venue and went to buy a bunch of table cloths since the rental company they hired for linens sucks and didn’t really seem to understand what “We need them on Saturday” meant. And then we went back to their house where Ginny’s brother Lane was, as well as several out of town friends. They were working on wedding crafts, eating giant slices of pizza and smoking cigars on the front steps. We hung out for a few hours and it was really fun for me to get to meet people from other realms of Shaun and Ginny’s lives, people who have know them for much longer and in different settings. They were a diverse crowd and a funny crowd and in meeting them I got to see why we all get along so well. They come from all over the country and I wish I was going to get more of a chance to get to know them, but seeing as I’m not going anywhere, I’m sure that those opportunities will arise.
On Saturday, I awoke around 7:30 in the morning with honest to goodness jitters. Not bad jitters, just the kind that you get before something you’re excited about is going to happen. They were “night before Christmas” or “night before my birthday” jitters. When I finally succumbed to them, I realized that I was looking so forward to Shaun and Ginny’s wedding that I couldn’t even sleep anymore. Then I got out of bed and went about getting ready, the excitement kept building.
When we got to the place, Arcati Crisis was all business. We set to work getting out 100 pieces of necessary Rock Music equipment in order and, since we managed to beat the bride and groom there by a half hour, we were also telling the caterers and such what to do, always with the caveat of “Um…I don’t really know, but I guess this makes sense?” Shaun appeared, looking awesome in a yellow button down shirt and sweet green and yellow tie and his simultaneously hot and hilarious sunglasses. This is a general theme about what I find attractive him. I usually laugh and lust all at the same time. Ginny arrived a little bit later looking like the picture of beauty. She wore an almond colored 50’s style cocktail dress and a pearl headband and jewelry that she made herself. She was also wearing a huge grin and she just looks so pretty when she smiles like that.
Eventually, we got everything set up and managed a sound check while the first guests started arriving. Peter took on the role of wedding coordinator, something he is ridiculously good at. He had put together a schedule for the day basically down to the minute. There were a few hitches that put us behind for a bit, but somehow we ended up being only a minute over by the end. I believe project/event management is Peter’s mutant power, which in this day and age beats the pants off of fire vision or hand spikes…at least in terms of being useful to people. I’m pretty sure no one wants Wolverine to organize their wedding. Though he might be kind of awesome at a Bar Mitzvah.
We played a bunch of originals while people arrived and Shaun and Ginny floated around saying hello to everyone. Wes and Jessie walked around the room listening to make sure we sounded balanced and the right volume and then Jessie became the wedding photographer and walked around the whole time taking pictures of everything. I was quite happy about that because I brought my fancy camera and I know that Jessie takes great pictures.
The ceremony was short but beautiful. Their friend Staks was the officiant and started by asking for a moment to remember that not everyone is able to marry. This was an important statement to make, in general, but also in a room such as that where there was such a diverse group with many different lifestyles. The vows and exchanged words were about things so fundamental to a healthy, long lasting relationship: Trust, commitment to each other’s happiness, the feeling that they both can be everything that they are around each other, growth and change, and of course, love and a general bond and commitment to each other. I wish that everyone who had ever expressed concern about their relationship and marriage could have been there to see it because being there, hearing their words, seeing the depth of emotion between them, you would be unable to deny the reality of the relationship’s strength and awesomeness.
Lane and I were the witnesses on their marriage license which meant a lot to me. Then after lunch was served, I, the best man, the maid of honor, and Ginny’s father spoke, people from all different places in their lives. I get to see them day to day but have known them for a relatively short time (though it feels like I have known them for much longer). The wedding party (Jordan and Joy) have known them for years but aren’t able to be around as much now. And of course, a parent always has a different perspective. All together, it was a picture of a rich life filled with family and friends who, at least on this day (and from the sound of it, for many days to come), support and love them. And this richness, to me, is so much more valuable than money or traditional professional success.
Ginny and I sang together and it went quite well, despite the fact that the band had learned it only a few days before. I was happy for the chance to do it since Ginny has a lovely voice and everyone got to hear it. Then the band’s dance set started and it was over in a blur.
At the end of the day, Shaun’s mom came over to me and complimented the band and things like that. And then we talked about this blog. Shaun had told me on Friday that she read much of what is on here…including my post about Easter. Oops! Well, hi, Shaun’s Mom (since you might be a regular reader now)! But, the blog did something unexpected. She didn’t react to the things I said in a defensive way in the slightest. Instead, she apologized that I had felt uncomfortable and hoped that I would come back to visit and give her another chance. Then she reminded me that this is all weird, and she’s right. I have talked before about how I feel like I’m generally in a bubble when I’m at home because my life makes a lot of sense there. Everyone there is part of it and is an active participant in my “lifestyle”. Often when I blog about this stuff I am doing it because I have moments (many moments) where the bubble bursts and it inspires a lot of thought from me. The absurdity of life is always blog worthy. For Shaun’s mom, she just didn’t know what to expect, how to feel, anything about me and I explained to her that I was in a similar boat that day because it was the first time I was being introduced as the girlfriend. So often I am introducing Jessie to people and people see it as “the wife giving her blessing” or something. We were both in odd places and it was an absurd day on top of that. But it meant a lot to me that she wanted to talk to me about it, that she wanted to move beyond it. I felt accepted and saw potential of becoming part of the family and that means a great deal to me.
If yesterday was not argument enough that polyamory can be highly functional and truly preferred, I don’t know what is. I was immensely happy for them all day, through the night, and am still beaming about it. This is the picture of compersion. I was so grateful to them for including in so many aspects of the day because I felt free to express to them how wonderful their love for each other makes me feel, and how lucky I am to get to experience it.
As the day went on, I often looked at Wes and Jessie and would feel compersion for them as well. I was so happy that they were there and that they got to enjoy the day together along with me. I am so happy that they found each other and that there is so much wonder in this house and in this life. I understand that our lives are strange to many and seems impossible for many others. That’s fine. Everyone is different. But take this as an honest and heartfelt statement: I could never go back to monogamy after having had what I have now. There is so much joy in this life. I feel overjoyed and happy so often, all because of the amazing people close to me. How could I ever wish for anything else?
I have been going on like this for days. I’m sure I’ll calm down with all this sentimentality and sappiness at some point, but for now, I feel like I am bursting with it. I just can’t stop saying “I love you” and “I am so happy”. I’m sure I’m making cynical people want to barf, but I’m OK with that. To the Vomitorium with you! (Spell check does not recognize “vomitorium” and suggested that perhaps I meant “Victorian” or “Janitorial”. No, those are not what I’m talking about.)
Well, I’ve blathered on about this long enough I suppose. I promise to return to my posts about stripper heals, germaphobes, and feminism shortly…though probably not all in the same post. Although, now that sounds like a challenge.