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Writers Block June 3, 2013

Posted by shaunphilly in Polyamory.
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So, in an attempt to not have PolySkeptic disappear into complete (rather than relative) obscurity, I’m deciding to write about the fact that I have been unsure what to write recently.

I feel like I should be writing more often.  But here’s the thing; I feel like I’ve said most of the things that I think should be said about atheism, polyamory, etc already.  Yes, when issues arise I find ways to comment on them using those same themes, but I don’t want to be one of those bloggers who just writes the same posts over and over, in different ways, just to keep content flowing.  When I write something, I want it to be at least a little fresh, even if never completely original.

I’ve considered writing about every day life, living as an actively polyamorous person, but that seems sort of uninteresting.  As I thought that, I thought about how that idea itself is sort of interesting.  I mean, I live with my wife, my girlfriend, her husband, and his girlfriend (they are actually getting married, non-legally, next year).  That is abnormal from the point of view of our culture, even for those who are familiar with polyamory.

But the fact is (and I believe I’ve said this before) that it does not feel abnormal.  I mean, there are house chores, shopping, budgets, and all the other things that families do here at the PolySkeptic compound.  We all have our schedules, routines, times when we do things socially (my birthday just passed, and we all went to have some delicious Moroccan food, for example).  It’s just life, settled into a polynormal framework.

We are not throwing orgies every weekend (or ever, really), we are not always parading around naked (except in the hot tub, from time to time), and we are not knocking on doors together to sell polyamory (although that idea seems sort of hilarious to me).  No, we are just doing normal stuff in a non-normal relationship structure.

So, as I navigate this life of mine, I occasionally think that I should blog about stuff that happened to me today, just in case what seems normal to me would seem interesting, bizarre, or just identifiable to other people.   I mean, I come home from work at night and I say hello to those sitting in the living room (often Gina, Wes, and Jessie) walk over to give Gina a kiss, then usually walk over to the office area (where PolyBar Galactica is) and then kiss Ginny hello.  Is that weird to some people? Does that just seem fitting? I cannot tell how interesting, boring, or whatever that is to other people.  It seems normal to me, but then again so does atheism, feminist criticism of our culture, and having a wife and a long-term girlfriend whom I live with. I don’t know what other people think of as normal.

What I do know is that making a commitment to be with just one person, sexually and romantically, seems utterly silly and bizarre to me, knowing that it seems normal to many other people.  I know that believing in a god seems very strange and irrational to me, but it feels normal to other people.  I know that applying skepticism to as many aspects of my life is natural (now) and feels right to me, but most people do not do that nor would they want to.

So, my perspective on what is worth talking about here is skewed, and so most of the time when I have the thought, ‘I should blog this,‘ I don’t because of this uncertainty.  Perhaps I should just blog right through this uncertainty.

Thoughts?

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Comments»

1. fierymon - June 3, 2013

I hear all too much about when poly blows up in people’s faces; and because it’s so over-represented in all the blogs and books and media, people assume it only never works and look at me crazy when I point out that’s only because they don’t hear people bitching about things going well, obviously. I yearn for boring. I would love to read more about the mundania of poly folk making it work – to know I’m not alone and to hope for a similarly unremarkable and happy future household.

For example, How do you do dinner? I typically sit in the kitchen chatting while boyfriend and his wife make dinner. (I’m only helpful by staying out of the way), but I wonder how others dance around each other in the process.

2. shaunphilly - June 3, 2013

ah, well thank you for that. Knowing there are at least a few people who care to read such things, I’ll be less shy in the future. As for dinner, that depends on the day and such. I do a fair amount of cooking (when I’m home; I work at a restaurant) and so do Ginny and Gina. We eat together when we are all home, and Gina and I do almost all the cleaning.

For more, keep following this blog!

3. Yukimi - June 3, 2013

I also find it nice to read the “boring” stuff. I would like to have a poly family someday and it gives me hope.

4. Lydia - June 3, 2013

I agree with Yukimi and Fierymon.

5. alphasiren - June 3, 2013

I too am going through a dry spell~ in love and in words~ been consumed by work~ Nice to know you are still out there! xox

6. Hope - June 3, 2013

I encourage you to blog through the uncertainty. As has already been mentioned, hearing about poly working well is delicious relief from hearing all the ways it blows up.

7. DrHoney - June 4, 2013

Another normal poly family that enjoys reading about normal. Just returned from the east coast where our extended poly family attended a family daughter’s graduation as an MD. Very proud! Then spent a few days with my Philly lover seeing DC again. No drama, just sharing time. Great vacation!

8. Dave Churvis - June 4, 2013

I would love to read about the mundane stuff as well. I think we need more representations of that kind of thing. Everyone has a valuable story to tell 🙂

9. Miriam - June 4, 2013

Yep, I agree with what’s been said before.

I think the most valuable thing that can be shared is that there is a happy, stable, “boring” norm to be found within poly families–not some sort of endlessly raunchy, exotic rollercoaster ride. That kind of visibility is very important.

Most of the images of plural relationships in our society are framed within spiritual contexts, so it’s valuable to have portrayals that exist in balanced, respectful, fulfilling ways outside of the cult and/or religious framework.

And while the daily ins and outs may seem (and be) perfectly straightforward to those who are living them, there are still endless “poly-specific” skills and considerations that are being used every day that can be a great encouragement to others who may be first trying to understand how such things can be navigated. While there is of course no “one size fits all” arrangement, seeing how others have come to strike their own balance can be reassuring for those who are first coming to navigate their own plural relationships.

So yes–follow your uncertainty! Every story is made up of so many little details that can be vitally important to those who need to see them represented. Pull the plug on the exoticism of poly living. Let it be mundane. Let it be normalized. Let it be accessible. Let folks see how.


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