There Can Be Only One

Editorial Note: This post was written by Wes Fenza, long before the falling out of our previous quint household and the subsequent illumination of his abusive behavior, sexual assault of several women, and removal from the Polyamory Leadership Network and banning from at least one conference. I have left Wes’ posts  here because I don’t believe it’s meaningful to simply remove them. You cannot remove the truth by hiding it; Wes and I used to collaborate, and his thoughts will remain here, with this notice attached.

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Most poly people encounter a phenomenon where a heterosexual couple decide to open up just slightly, so that one or both members can have sex outside the relationship with women, but not with men. Most tend to call this a “one penis policy.” I think that term is boring, so I’ve taken to calling it “Highlander Penis.”

Needless to say, I find it incredibly frustrating, not only as a man who slogs through the dating world, but also because it almost always seems to rely on sexist assumptions about the difference between men and women. Whenever I encounter it, I just roll my eyes and think of this: