One time at an Arcati Crisis rehearsal, Peter took the time to take a survey being conducted over the phone. It was some kind of political survey, I think. The mayoral elections were coming up and they wanted to know where people stood on the issues. Peter took it and then got off the phone with a scathing review of the survey and the surveyor herself.
At one point she brought up the possibility of bringing gambling to Philadelphia. Unless you were living under a rock (which I would hope a survey company wasn’t), you may have recalled that the possibility of bringing gambling to Philadelphia was not the simplest of things. People were terrified of it. What will it do to the traffic in the already congested area in which they want to build? What about the potential of an increase in hobos on Delaware Avenue? WHY DOESN’T ANYONE THINK ABOUT HOBO JOE? But according to the surveyor, “You probably support gambling because it will bring revenue to the city, and everyone likes revenue, right?”
I feel like that’s like going into a weight loss seminar with a jar of sterile tape worms and saying, “This parasite will make the pounds fly off without any other side effects! Also, the early 1900’s were awesome, with absolutely no caveats!”
If that’s not biased, I don’t know what is.
So, Shaun just wrote about this monogamy survey the GoodinBed.com is conducting, in this post and despite being an intelligent person, I decided to go take it. I mean, people like us with our big alternative lifestyle should be represented in such things, right? Right.
I thought about writing a diatribe here, but after I got going it wasn’t so much funny as it was sad. So instead, I will post the conversation Shaun and I had about it.
Me: Yep. This survey is dumb.
Shaun: It’s totally monogamy privileged. There are answers not available to give.
Me: Yeah. I filled out “other” for relationship status and explained. And then it immediately talked about you having one partner. And a statement like “monogamy builds intimacy between 2 people” is difficult to answer. Obviously it does, But I feel like I need a caveat there. I’m sure there’s not the statement, “Intimacy builds commitment between 2 people”.
Shaun: Yeah. I had the same issues.
Me: Argh, this is aggravating.
Shaun: Yay, monogamous privilege
Me: It talks about infidelity, but never non-monogamy.
Me: Hahahahahaha “What are the biggest barriers to monogamy for you? What a way to word that!
(Side note: You were supposed to check off all that apply here. There were ones that made sense like “Life Experience” and “Attraction”, but there were also choices like “Money” and “Kids”. The latter would seem like barriers to non-monogamy, but I would be amused if they were suggesting prostitution or something like that.)
Shaun: I was hoping for a feedback box.
Me: Wow…the last part of the questionnaire is the dumbest thing ever. How well does your partner know you???? This is the Newlywed Game!
Shaun: I know.
Me: Are you thinking of fucking other people right now because you are uncertain your partner knows your favorite food???
Me: Well, I’m sure glad I did THAT
Shaun: You’re welcome.
Me: I felt completely unable to take it honestly, haha.
“As a person who engages in infidelity, what makes you such a dishonest, mangy slut?”
“Well, I’m not committing infidelity and not particularly a slut…”
“Slut says what?”
“There’s nothing wrong with sluts.”
“Why are you such a SLUT? And why do you hate AMERICA???”
Shaun: You should write a post mocking that survey.
Me: Hmm, perhaps I shall. Ok, I’m doin’ it. Heh heh, I said doin’ it.
So there you have it. Shaun posted the results link also and of course the results are that everybody loves and believe in monogamy…but are cheating on their partners a lot, statistically speaking. But what would the survey results have looked like if polyamorous people could have answered completely? Would it have shown a decent percentage of people who were satisfied with their relationships, their sex life, and who hold commitment and honesty in very high regard?
Or maybe we’re just the dumb ones that actually took this thing. Oy!