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Why do people “hook up”? August 24, 2011

Posted by shaunphilly in religion, atheism, polyamory, culture.
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In other words, why do we fuck each other?

Now, this is not my question.  It is, in fact, the question of Christian author Donald Miller.

He has recently posted questions to both women and men.  If you look at some of the responses, you will see that there really is some feeling among the readers, likely to be Christians, that are not what I call “sex positive.”

Now, I added my response (awaiting moderation), and I will be interested to see what kind o response it gets.  In any case, I said this:

Because sex is fun, and it feels good (this is the same answer my fiance gives, btw). The question assumes a sort of sex-negativity that I find a little amusing and a little more disturbing. Why is this question necessary? Isn’t it obvious that men and women genuinely enjoy sex?

Now, my fiance and I are open and proud sluts. We love sex with each other and our other lovers (we are polyamorous). But in addition to the fact that sex is simply fun, it also allows us to experience human intimacy, which is beautiful.

For those that are not hooking up (and who have the physical desires to do so), why are you denying sometimes so pleasurable and intimate? Do you really believe that it is wrong? Do you really think (if religious doctrine is the reason) the creator of the universe cares what you do with your “naughty bits”?

What would you have said?

(H/T Hemant Mehta, AKA the Friendly Atheist)

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Comments»

1. Ginny - August 25, 2011

I would have said (and I planned to, until I saw that there were already over 250 comments on the girls’ version) that I “hook up” because it feels good, because I’m attracted to the person I’m hooking up and want sexual intimacy. I don’t view it as “giving up sex”… I’m GETTING sex, and it’s delightful!

I would have gone on to add that I used to believe sex was only for marriage, and repressed a lot of desires in ways that were harmful to me then and continue to harm me now. Since accepting that abstinence-until-marriage was not the will of any God, but was instead a tool devised by religious institutions to control people, I’ve been able to understand and explore my own desires freely. I’ve found that, contrary to what I was taught, sex with people I’m not married to, and don’t intend any long-term commitment with, can be joyful, caring, and health-giving for everybody involved. It’s not a matter of blindly following my desires; I do have to consider whether getting involved with a particular person is wise, whether I trust them to respect me and my body, and whether we both have the same understanding of what we want out of the experience, but once I’ve said yes to all those there are no reasons not to be sexually involved with someone when there is mutual desire.


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