Missionaries!


Editorial Note: This post was written by Wes Fenza, long before the falling out of our previous quint household and the subsequent illumination of his abusive behavior, sexual assault of several women, and removal from the Polyamory Leadership Network and banning from at least one conference. I have left Wes’ posts  here because I don’t believe it’s meaningful to simply remove them. You cannot remove the truth by hiding it; Wes and I used to collaborate, and his thoughts will remain here, with this notice attached.

—–

 

Wes Here.

Last week, I was visited by a few Christian missionaries. They gave me this pamphlet:

Men, women, black people AND Asians? Amazing!

I decided to talk with them for a while. After I made it clear that “because the Bible says so” was not an acceptable answer for anything, the conversation turned to why we ought to trust the Bible. According to these missionaries, we know the Bible is true because it made a bunch of prophecies that came true. They were a little fuzzy on the details, but the one that they remembered clearly was the prophecy of Cyrus. According to them, the Bible prophecized that Cyrus would conquer Babylon, and that the gates of the city would be open, over 100 years before it happened.

My response was that the prophecy did not seem all that prophetic, and it was rather vague. The missionaries promised to do a little more reading and then come back. That was last Thursday. They haven’t been back yet. But in the event they do come back, I have a printout from the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible for them, all about Biblical prophecies.

However, I have my doubts that they’ll be back. I’m calling false witness.

The Thing About Activism


Several years ago, Wes and I went to Longwood Gardens and I totally obeyed a sign that said, “Keep off the grass”.  I didn’t even think about it.  I follow the rules.  I keep the status quo.  I don’t ruffle feathers intentionally and if it happens, it is usually unexpected.

This is, to put it in thermodynamic terms (as though that makes anything more understandable), my lowest energy state.  Breaking rules, going against the grain willfully, challenging largely accepted world views, all require a large exertion of energy for me.  It is rarely energizing for me to speak out and often I have regrets because I do not have the thick skin required to withstand the attacks of people who disagree.

I care a great deal too much what other people think of me, be they friends or strangers.  I have made “being well liked” a large part of my identity, and as happens with anything you make a Part of Your Identity, challenging it hurts and causes you to question said part.  When I wrote that thing the other day and a few strangers on the internet all agreed that, to them, it sounded like a great afternoon and I’m crazy for being uncomfortable and I found myself believing that they were right.  “Oh no…what if I AM full of shit?  What if I’m just too sensitive?  Maybe I’m just an asshole.”  But thinking about it, and getting counseling from Wes, I remembered the actual inspiration for the post and had to find my wits again to remember that yes, in fact, there was something out about the whole affair.

I am a pretty theatrical person.  Jessie calls me a Muppet all the time (which, in our house, is a high compliment).  I am no stranger to putting myself out there in the arena of Making a Fool of Myself.  I don’t generally fear performing, public speaking, dancing on a dance floor to the cool tunes of the 1980’s (or anything really), but I am deeply insecure about my intelligence and the validity of my opinions about social issues, government, philosophy and other “high thinking” things.

I live a privileged life.  I am not blind to that.  I am married to a man and work in science.  I own a house and a car and worry about things like when to plant tomatoes.  From the outside, I look like a standard white, straight, female member of the middle class.  This identity enables me to blend into society.  All the other things that very much veer me away from the norm (atheism, polyamory, bisexuality, burlesque, and the fact that I knew that David Carradine died of auto-erotic asphyxiation after only thinking about it for like 5 seconds) can be practiced under the protective covering of Socially Acceptable.  I don’t have to be out about any of this to have a high quality of life.  I don’t need to fight the good fight to have it all.

And when I try to fight the good fight, I get exhausted with it quickly.  I periodically get tired of explaining polyamory, the advantages and necessity of applying the scientific method to all things, or the impressive, insidious nature of sexism and privileged outlooks in our modern Post-Sexist/Post-Racist/Post-Everyist society, for the umpteenth time.  When anonymity online emboldens people to cast countless vitriolic, hurtful things on those who dare to speak out with their real names, it is difficult to figure out who you’re fighting for.  And when the other end, the end which tells you that you can not disagree…even when disagreement is civil and for the purpose of furthering perspective…lest you offend someone, who is this conversation for?  I get tired of being told that I am either crazy for having a problem, or horribly privileged to even think something that doesn’t take the lowest of the low into the fullest account.  I do not live for debate.  I do not thrive on conflict.

But then, why do I speak out ever?  Why do I not stay quiet forever?  Well, it’s because I feel an obligation as a privileged (brave, due to that privilege), articulate person living a strange life “behind closed doors” quite normally and healthily to spread the word.  My privilege allows me to speak out and say that these are real things in the world.  These are things that are healthy and rational and they impose absolutely no threat to you whatsoever.

And I worry that if I don’t exercise this right; if I don’t use this privilege not just to my advantage but to the advantage of the people struggling who do not have a voice, what is my purpose?  What is my value?  Why should anyone care about me if I am too much of a coward to speak?

Of course, this is all a bunch of ego.  I’m not remotely on the level of any great thinkers.  I have trumped up my importance to the world and have allowed myself to be defined by it.  The world will not stand or collapse based on my willingness to blog or go to conferences.  I am one voice in millions saying the same shit.  I am part of a force that will continue to swell regardless of my level of involvement.  I am not so important that this should be some kind of grand soliloquy delivered to the fourth wall of the world’s stage just prior to my great act of madness and defiance that will cast everything we know asunder.  I’m just a chick in a labcoat who thinks about things sometimes.  I do not have my finger on the big red button.  I won’t make the statement that brings war or peace.

I’m much more Dr. Strangelove than President Muffley, is what I’m saying…in that I will like cackle and talk in a funny accent while the big boys make plans to nuke a country.  We do what we’re good at in Difficult Times.

So what I finally realized is that activism doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  If you are inspired to speak out or do something, and are able, then do it.  If you find yourself exhausted and without words or motivation, then take solace in the fact that ever little bit counts.  Some people might listen and you might get through, and some other people might call you a Pinko Commie Cunt.  That’s life on Planet Earth.  When you get tired of talking, then you should be peaceful in your quiet because your quiet is what you want at that time.  You speak and you act because you want a better world, but the responsibility of representing the ideals of this better world is not yours alone or even yours particularly. Speaking out is worthwhile.  Living your life as you choose to live it is paramount.  You do not need to do it all to have it all or to have great value.

I’m writing this because I never have much to say about atheism as a movement and because I often get exhausted being an ambassador for polyamory and because currently insidious sexism has hit me and has made it hard to be strong and brave and inspiring.  All this passes and my urge to say things will become strong again…and then it will get knocked back down.  I accept this now.  It is just hard to accept it when you want to do everything and have a great sense of humor the whole time you’re doing it.

The thing is I am not an activist.  I am a person living in the world but I won’t always be shy about what I see.  I question. And with often great difficulty, I call out.  And then I go back to regular life.  And even this low level dissidence is hard to maintain without injury.  So, I applaud those who fight outright.  I commend those who go into the fray and debate and enlighten in a way that I just don’t want to, or sometimes can’t.  And every now and then, I’ll help in the way I want to, but being a little squeak on the periphery saying, “Yeah! I see it too!  You’re not crazy!”

PZ Myers and Michael Ruse’s mis-attribution of the fault in our wars


I have been writing, reading, and thinking about the issue of accommodationism for some time.  Type ‘accommodationism’ in the search box above for some context, as there are too many posts to link to here.  I will say that  I have tended to agree with Jerry Coyne’s views about the relationship between religion and science most of the time, and I tend to agree with PZ Myers more often than not.

Yesterday, PZ Myers put up a post about Michael Ruse which I largely agree with, but I want to address something, not because it makes me disagree with the point PZ makes, but because I think it takes a step back and gives some larger perspective on this issue.  Here’s the relevant section from PZ’s post, quoting Ruse:

But wait! There are more paradoxes! One of the big problems with the New Atheism, says Ruse, is the way we idolize and support our leaders unquestioningly.

There are other aspects of the New Atheist movement that remind me of religion. One is the adulation by supporters and enthusiasts for the leaders of the movement. It is not just a matter of agreement or respect, but of a kind of worship. This certainly surrounds Dawkins, who is admittedly charismatic.

We worship Dawkins? And possibly Hitchens and Harris? Has he ever noticed how much we all freaking argue with each other? There are no saints and popes in the New Atheist movement.

Oh, wait, yes he has noticed. In the very next paragraph.

Freud describes a phenomenon that he calls ‘the narcissism of small differences’, in which groups feud over distinctions that, to the outside, seem totally trivial. It is highly characteristic of religions: think of the squabbles about the meaning of the Eucharist, for instance, or the ways in which Presbyterians tear each other apart over the true meaning of predestination. For those not involved in the fights, the issues seem virtually nonsensical, and certainly wasting energies that should be spent on fighting common foes. But not for those within the combat zone.

The New Atheists show this phenomenon more than any group I have ever before encountered.

So which is it? Blind, unquestioning worship of our leaders, or incessant fractiousness and dissension? It doesn’t matter. Ruse is just spinning his wheel of deplorable sins and accusing us of whatever random flaw pops up.

I will point out that PZ has missed that these two ideas are not, in fact, in necessarily contradiction, even if Ruse’s argument is ridiculous (which it is).  It is logically possible that people in the atheist movement idolize atheist leaders and that fractious arguments also result, just like with religion.  All it would take is a hypothetical Dawkins follower to argue with a Sam Harris follower, insofar as Harris and Dawkins would disagree.  And there are some people I have met who do seem to look up to some atheist “celebrities” with some level of idolization, but this is to be expected.  We are human, with personal flaws, after all.  The ideal, however, does not have anyone idolizing anyone.  I, for example, respect some people more than others, but I’ve never been a person who idolizes anyone, and never get fanboyish around well-known people, nor do I understand why other people do.

And I agree that there are arguments within the community, but I see this as largely a good thing even though in some cases it is evidence of bad ideas remaining among atheists (such as misogyny and privilege).  There is a lot of work to do before our culture matures emotionally, cognitively, and in terms of being aware of our privileges and biases.  And as a result of that, many atheists will tend to be stuck behind their own blindness, and fractures will exist which we need to addressed in the form of criticism and education of those people.  Hence Atheism+.

But what Ruse is identifying here is not so much that the atheist community is like religion, but that when groups of people gather for any common cause, belief, or lack of beliefs, they tend to have similar behavior patterns of idolization, arguing, etc.  So yes, the atheist community has some behavioral issues which are reminiscent of religion, but once again the error is in mis-attributing such things to religion, when in fact religion is the result of human group behaviors not the cause of it.  Ruse is showing how atheist communities are acting human, just like religious groups.  Why does Ruse make the (apparently unconscious) assumption that these behaviors fundamentally belong to religion?

Our goal—as skeptics and atheists concerned with our culture, our beliefs, and our actions—should be to improve how we all think, behave, and interact.  Those working on including social justice in their actions, whether atheist or religious, are taking a step in the right direction in such terms.  But what new/gnu atheism is about, Michael Ruse, is about asking whether the views some group has are true or not.  We must take as a given that we will err in how he think, behave, and interact, but the question which concerns us is whether our ideas are true, not whether our community is perfectly ideal.

That’s the long-term goal, and it will take time to get there.  And, as I understand it, this is what efforts such as Atheism+ were developed to answer.  Because if we want to address the human flaws and how they emerge in the atheist community, we have to understand how psychology turns into sociology; how our personal flaws turn into groupthink and tribalism.  The problem with religion is not that it fractures, idolizes its leaders, and then fights among themselves.  No, that’s a human problem which we all have to deal with.  The problem with religion is that it isn’t true; that they are arguing over fantasies.

Skeptical atheists, at least, are arguing over what is true with a methodology which works; science.  And if they are not using science and skepticism well enough, then we can use skeptical criticism to point out how and why.  When does religion do that? Religion uses logic on top of the assumptions of its theology, but it rarely, if ever, appropriately uses empirical methodology and good skepticism.

Michael Ruse is stuck comparing religion to atheism in ways which must be true because they are activities done by humans.  Where atheism and religion are alike, it is attributable to anthropology (what I have my undergrad degree in).  What Ruse misses, and what PZ does not articulate well in this case, is that what does separate religion from atheism is the concern for truth of worldviews rather than behavior of participants.

Because sure, some atheists go around  idolizing people and arguing over small details, but our goal is to help them personally grow until they are mature, skeptical, knowledgeable people with good cultural and personal perspective.  And unlike religion, we actually have real ways to achieve that because we do not have any scripture, doctrine, or limitations of criticism.

We have the best methods in our hands, no rules about where we cannot inquire, and only our personal flaws to hold us back.  That tempered by caring about what is true, rather than what is comforting, preferable, or sanctioned is a good road to progress.

New Film about Deepak Chopra


So, I just got an email about a movie about Deepak Chopra, called Decoding Deepak.  This was the content of the email:

Hi Atheist,

 

SnagFilms would like to get your expert opinion on the figure of Deepak Chopra.  Our film DECODING DEEPAK will be in theaters, on cable on demand, and on iTunes October 5th.  Gotham Chopra follows his father Deepak for a year to try to better understand him not only as a person but also as a spiritual leader.  Controversially, the film shows a side of Deepak that lacks spiritual sincerity.

We would love to get your feedback regarding the film and about Deepak.  If you would like to do a post about the film we will include it on our site/through SnagFilms social media network.  Please share this film with your readers, and you can find more information at http://www.snagfilms.com/decodingdeepak/.

Thanks and please let me know if you have any questions.

Best,

Jamie

Now, i have not written much about Deepak Chopra on this blog (I have mentioned him, as an example of spiritual idiocy a few times), and I am not an expert on his ideas, so I am curious how Jamie go my contact information.  I intend to ask.

If you browse over to the website, you can find this video:

You’ll see that the film is made by, or at least prominently features, his son Gotham Chopra.  The film is presented as a sort of personal journey shared by the Chopras, but because I have known a little about Deepak Chopra’s vague, meaningless, spirituality for some time, I am not compelled to watch this film.

Will any skeptics out there watch this film and report? I do not plan on wasting my time.

 

See my article about my visit to the America for Jesus rally on Saturday


I visited the America for Jesus rally/festival on Saturday September 29th, and wrote up an article for The Friendly Atheist blog which went up this morning.  Go take a look!

My Day at the ‘America for Jesus’ Rally

 

(Posting this makes me wonder how many people read this blog but don’t read Hemant Mehta’s, making me further wonder if this is redundant.)

Sam Singleton in Philadelphia October 3rd


My friend, Brother Sam Singleton, will be bringing his revival tent (metaphorically speaking) to Philadelphia this week.  So, this Wednesday, at 8pm on North Second Street (near the bars of the trendy Northern Liberties neighborhood of Philly), I should be seeing you!

If you don’t know about Sam, you should.  He has a wonderful show, and is always up for a beer or two after the show, so you don’t want to miss this.  He does two kinds of shows, one which is called Patriarchs and Penises (which I have seen and is hilarious) and his mock revival, which has the look and feel of an old time Christian revival, only funnier and with more “God damns” thrown in for the sake of making baby Jesus cry.

I already have my tickets, and so I will certainly be there.  I hope we get a full house, so bring all your friends!

For more information about Sam and his upcoming tour schedule, check out SamSingleton.com.

Here’s a bit of Sam to chew on in the meantime.

Where in the world is Shaun McGonigal this evening?


Seeing Herb Silverman speak in Philadelphia, of course!

Herb Silverman

Herb has a new book out called Candidate Without a Prayer, and he will be speaking about it this evening in Philadelphia at the Ethical Humanist Society at Rittenhouse Square at 7:00,  as well as at the PA atheist conference this weekend in Harrisburg.

Since I am unable to make the conference this weekend, I wanted to at least get a chance to partake in some of the weekend fun by hopping on PATCO and strolling over to Rittenhouse Square (a place I like to sit and read anyway) and catch Herb Silverman speak with some like-minded people.

If you are in the Philadelphia area this evening and want to stop in as well, then I may see you.

If you don’t live in the area or you have other plans (what else could you be doing on a Friday evening?), then you could at least check out the new book, about his life, including an unsuccessful run for office in South Carolina.  Here’s the blurb from Amazon:

In this deeply revealing and engaging autobiography, Herb Silverman tells his iconoclastic life story. He takes the reader from his childhood as an Orthodox Jew in Philadelphia, where he stopped fasting on Yom Kippur to test God’s existence, to his adult life in the heart of the Bible Belt, where he became a legendary figure within America’s secular activist community and remains one of its most beloved leaders. Never one to shy from controversy, Silverman relates many of his high-profile battles with the Religious Right, including his decision to run for governor of South Carolina to challenge the state’s constitutional provision that prohibited atheists from holding public office. Candidate Without a Prayer offers an intimate portrait of a central player in today’s increasingly heated culture wars. It will be sure to charm both believers and nonbelievers alike, and will lead all those who care about the separation of church and state to give thanks.

I hope to see some of my atheist friends tonight, and I hope that everyone enjoys their weekend!

Provisionality, Offense, and Conviction


I was just reading a short post by Tristan D. Vick about the difference between beliefs and assumptions, and it got me thinking about conviction and offense.

Last week, Ginny and I were talking about offense.  I’m not easily offended, and we were talking about why that is.  Part of the reason, I concluded, is that I don’t have many things I find to be sacred; I don’t have ideas which are beyond criticism, unavailable for investigation, or held with great conviction.  I am bereft of sacred cows to tip over, or something.

My beliefs, accepted facts, and interpretations—in short my worldview—is tentative and provisional, just as Tristan says about his beliefs.  Thus, it’s hard to find ways to offend me because it would imply that some harm is being done to me to challenge or question something I believe.  Since I have already questioned my beliefs (ideally, anyway) on my own, someone else challenging them is redundant and not harmful.  Thus and form of poking fun, mocking, or calling my ideas stupid or silly in itself cannot offend me.  I can be annoyed by poor attempts at criticism, but I cannot be offended by things which are not held with conviction.

So when I see people in the streets of Benghazi, Egypt, or elsewhere protesting the insult to their religion, I have trouble sympathizing with the offense they take.  I can’t sympathize with having a sacred belief which cannot be mocked, questioned, or even illustrated.  I find the idea that offense is taken by such mild acts as making a shitty video, drawing a picture of some guy who is believed to be a prophet, or simply saying that a set of beliefs is silly or unjustified as, well, offensive.

That is, if there is anything sacred to me, it is the freedom of expression, thought, and therefore of criticism.  My ideal that ideas are subject to analysis and discussion is an idea which I don’t think I could be convinced out of.  I am convicted to the idea of freedom of expression, and so the only way to offend me would be to protest such freedoms based on an idea or set of ideas.

And for someone to point of an inconsistency here; to say that I should hold the ideal of freedom of expression provisionally, seems to commit the same error as those who try to criticize what is sometimes called scientism, but which I think is better thought of as consistency in application of skepticism.  That is, there must be some ground upon which we found other ideas and conclusions.  For example, if we don’t accept that our senses are capable of giving us reliable (although not infallible) information, we cannot claim certainty about anything.  If we don’t have some methodological basis for testing ideas (such as skepticism/empiricism), then we cannot test the veracity of hypotheses with any reliability.  If we do not allow free expression free reign to all subjects, then we have no real (legal) freedom to believe what we want, because it becomes to easy to allow bias to inform which ideas are given privilege.

But most importantly, the only means to question the idea of free expression is with free expression.  It is a self-founding idea, or a meta-value.

One of my favorite shirts

Finding offense in criticism, whether of ideas you hold or which are held by others, is a sign of placing value on the wrong thing.  There is no good reason to accommodate sets of ideas over the ability to question those ideas.  The meta-value of our world, our species, and of all sentient beings should be the freedom of expression of all ideas.  Privileging a set of ideas, even if those ideas are right, is absurd.  True ideas will survive the light of criticism, and do not need sanctions to survive.  The truth, as Kosh once said, points to itself.

I have no fear of my ideas being questioned, mocked, etc.  If they are good ideas, they will survive.  If they are bad ideas, they will be replaced by argumentation whether in the form of polite discussion or mockery.  The question I have for people who are easily offended, for their own sake or the sake of others, is where your values are?  You can be sympathetic with the hurt feelings people have about having their ideas mocked, but at the end of the day if their ideas cannot survive that mockery, or even polite questioning, then perhaps that sympathy needs to be understood to be about their feelings, not their ideas.

There is a point when we have to take responsibility for our ideas, rather than coddle them.  Ideas are not people, and they cannot be injured.  Ideas are either good (justified) or not (unjustified).  And if you are hurt because your ideas are mocked, then you are either protecting an unjustified idea or one that does not need protection.

Just like gods (if they are to exist), ideas cannot be harmed by our criticism,  mockery, or polite disagreement.  There is no reason to protect such ideas or beings, except to protect the fact that they are bad ideas and free expression might expose such a weakness.

Oh!  That explains it now, doesn’t it?

 

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em


Yesterday I wrote a post about the insidious nature of sexism in the workplace.  Then, based on a bit of positive response to it, I decided to post it on Reddit (in their Feminism subreddit).  I would call this a mistake, but putting things on Reddit to share with a wider more targeted audience isn’t a mistake.

The mistake for me is ALWAYS going and see what people thought about it.  As has happened before, I posted something and was judged rather harshly about my interpretation of events.  Basically, according to four anonymous people on the internet, I am a fool for going to a sports bar with people I don’t like and finding that I dislike the people and the subject of sports.  There was more, but you can go read the comments for yourself.  I shouldn’t have, except that they have managed to get the wheels in my brain turning now that the fog of self doubt has begun to lift.

It’s not actually a big deal in any rational sense, but I am a pretty sensitive person and I question myself very easily.  Upon reading these things, I immediately thought that I had completely overreacted, that it was indeed my fault for being in the situation, and that yes, I suppose it is the price I have to pay to play with the boys.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It’s true.  It was my fault for going to lunch with these guys.  When talking about where we should go, the place we went was called an Irish Pub by the person who recommended it, but yeah, I should have asked if it was a sports bar and then upon finding out that it was a sports bar, I should have either protested, not gone, or should have pretended to be interested…or simply be quiet (please note, I did do the last two things, like a good little girl).  And if I was being ignored, it’s because I didn’t have anything to contribute worth listening to.  I can’t expect to be listened to if I’m not saying anything of note.  And if my political comments were misunderstood and used instead to comment about how hot conservatives on Fox News are, then, well, I shouldn’t be pushing my political agenda on anyone.  I should just listen to the conservative boys and suck it up.

Of course, I can’t really blame them.  I didn’t put a ton of background into the post about things I have endured over the past several years…things I just sucked it up and dealt with to be an agreeable cog in this particular machine.  It was suggested that my dramatization of what conversation might have happened had I not been there was ungenerous and simply showed my extreme dislike for these people.  Well, sure, I guess it could look that way…but I have walked in on conversations like that when they didn’t think I could hear.  I have very good hearing, and have listened to countless homophobic references, racist remarks, and watched as visiting female salesmen from other companies have been objectified by boys looking out windows.

What I also didn’t say was that this was a professional situation.  And in careers like mine, if you want to really get ahead, you have to make your mark.  Here this meant that I not only had to look good in the technical meeting, but I also had to either not go to lunch and be less visible by management and customers, or go where ever they wanted and…suck it up.  There is a fight happening everyday for women everywhere to be respected and accepted as professional equals in the workplace.  What some people don’t seem to understand is that part of being a successful professional is feeling comfortable socially with coworkers and customers.

And then there is a big difference in how you are accepted.  One way to be accepted is to be quiet and docile.  No one knows a thing about you that way, but they also don’t have a problem with you.  By being this way, everyone feels comfortable with you being around.  There is comfort in that, for sure.

Another way to be accepted is to become one of the guys.  For me here this means being insensitive, mimicking their sense of humor, being bawdy and inappropriate.

Both of these methods of acceptance don’t really work for me.  The easiest times I’ve had is when I’ve been at work/social functions and have gotten tipsy with people and not minded the flirtation or ridiculous sexual comments (not usually aimed at me). Instead of continuing to employ either of these strategies, over the last couple of years I have just tried to show more of who I am.  I am funny, confident, and dynamic…but am also separate from absolutely everyone.  I get along with everyone, but am just a little too this side of weird to really connect.  I am not a recluse, but I do not have friends.

But really, this whole thing got me thinking a lot about entitlement, privilege, and the hoops we jump through in life to get what we want.  My story yesterday was one with a feminist theme, but was my story special?  Is my being female, and a female of strange persuasions the same as anyone with an anxiety disorder or odd interests or whatever else makes you different from the norm? Am I being rejected solely because of my personality and should I just suck it up and deal with the fact that my personality is getting in the way of my being accepted and respected truly? A man with bad social skills probably can’t become CEO easily either.

I can’t tell anymore.  When you mention a realization about how you are treated differently because of sex, a lot of people want to immediately label you as oversensitive and just plain wrong.  It starts to feel like the fact of being female is a disease or disorder that needs to be treated with self denial.  I used to be one of those people, but as I said yesterday, once you see the way sexism colors everything, you can’t really un-see it.  My post yesterday wasn’t about hating football.  It was about not being valued as part of a group.  That is what it’s like to be a woman in a man’s world.  Sure, if I loved football I would have been able to throw more comments in, but I did try (because I do like football and watch it and know enough to be part of a conversation) and when I said it, it was ignored, but when a man said it, it was brilliant.  But sure, that was my fault for not being brilliant enough.  I didn’t have the right statistic at the tip of my tongue.  I didn’t have the right nasty name to call one of the coaches.  It was my fault I wasn’t having a good time and for being wrong.

Yes, it was just a shitty lunch period, but are people so far removed from what is often going on in these settings to see the real reason it was shitty?  It wasn’t shitty because I was bored (I get bored when people talk incessantly about art too, but I don’t end up having a philosophical/cultural crisis at the end…usually).  It was shitty because I didn’t matter and I didn’t matter because I wasn’t a boy.  You can accuse me of reading too much into this because it hasn’t happened to you or because you deal with shit everyday and you don’t write blog posts about it.  I am very happy that these things don’t happen to everyone or that they don’t bother everyone.  Why would I wish that on anyone ever?  But I do see, and it does happen, and I do blog.  I am a voice that should exist.

Anyway, here’s a picture of baby badgers, because I shouldn’t take myself so seriously and shouldn’t hate the entire internet.  I mean, I found this picture on the internet, so how could it possibly be so bad?

Once You See it, You Can’t Un-See it.


I just went to lunch with a group of white dudes.  We went to a local sports bar, and as such there were multiple televisions on broadcasting various sports channels like ESPN and, I assume, ESPN 8: The Ocho.

Background for those of you who have somehow missed this: I am a woman in science with liberal politics.  I let people here know just enough about me so that they know I’m strange, but I don’t let them know specifically how strange.

I have been in the world of science for 10 years at this point and, as I have mentioned before, due to my accommodating nature and a great deal of luck, I have been able to integrate into the culture without experiencing the blatant issues that are often cited by women attempting to work in men’s fields.  What does this mean? I keep a great deal about me to myself.  I let a lot of things slide (I pick my battles).  I am generally not particularly excited about going to work because I don’t really have any friends here.

According to the televisions, there was a bad call last night in the Packers game.  Because of the current Scab Ref Situation, everyone is up in arms about how stupid these people are and can’t apparently shut up about it.  The replay was broadcast every 5 minutes.  Luckily, the sound was off so I got to listen to  both of Fun’s singles at high volume while watching various people scream silently about the idiocy of the officials.

I guess this matters to Green Bay or something.  Also it matters if you’re a real red blooded American man! Apparently!  The people at my table felt it necessary to talk about the call every time it was replayed on tv, while also making fun of how much coverage there was.  When there wasn’t something about that playing, no one seemed to have any idea what to talk about.  My guess is that if I wasn’t there, they wouldn’t have opted to talk about how much they like sluts.  I expect the conversation would have gone something like this:

Dude #1: Man, my wife is such a pain in the ass.

Dude #2: Well, you know, ALL wives are pains in the ass.  Why did we get married, amirite?”

Dude #3: I hear ya.  You know what I could really go for?  Some sluts.

All: We love sluts! Until they start wanting to talk and shit.  Then we don’t like them anymore. Yeah.

This was the thought I was having as I watched them incessantly talk about sports.  I attempted to change the subject, but my comments were generally ignored.  My sense of humor is a bit too sarcastic and dry I think and my mentions of nerdy things were met with “Oh, you’re one of those…” faces.  They were talking about building bars in their homes and I said we already have that, and now it’s covered in Star Trek memorabilia.  I then quickly reminded them that I wear a labcoat for a living and we all moved on.

At some point, a female broadcaster came onto ESPN to, seemingly, listen to the man broadcaster say brilliant things about the blown call in the Packers game.  She was quite pretty.  This inspired them to talk about how Fox News has really attractive female meteorologists.

Dude #1: Every woman on Fox News is hot.

Dude #2: Yeah…looks like another thing conservatives got right, ey? Heh heh heh.

Me: You know, there are a lot of foxy liberals out there, guys.

Dude #1: WHO? Name ONE!

I raised my hand and then said, “Also, most of Hollywood.”

Dude #1: People in Hollywood aren’t liberals.  They’re SOCIALIST COMMUNISTS!”

Then Rob changed the subject, which was probably a good idea because I was dangerously close to a Romney AND misogyny rant.

I am tired of this.  I am tired of being minimized because I’m not really one of the boys and because I don’t believe you are worthless just because you need help.  While there is a certainly fun side to being the weird one, it also gets exhausting educating people that there is a huge world outside of their narrow perceptions and experience.  It is exhausting not to have any kind of kinship with these people.

It’s hard to be the woman at the table listening to a bunch of guys talk about football and worry about how you seem to them.  Do I look uncomfortable?  Do I look bored?  If you look bored, you’re a typical woman.  If you look uncomfortable, you’re the cunt that’s going to start trouble.

Or are they looking at me at all?  Do I exist at this table?  Is the answer no?  Is that the worst part of all of this?  I just sat in a conference room and OWNED the room with my knowledge and expertise.  Is my confidence useful for getting the sale, but worthy of being ignored or scorned when the sale has been secured?

I have explained privilege to people like this before…the privilege that makes people think that women are whining about nothing since sexism, like racism, isn’t a thing anymore.  I mean, I’m a chemist.  What more evidence of everything being equal and perfect can there be?

Also, if it snows in January, global warming is horse shit.

I have explained it and no one gets it, but if they observed lunch, maybe they would start to get an idea.

Also, what game were those Scab Refs watching, hmm?  Can I get a hell yeah?

No?

Yeah, I don’t fucking care either.