Yesterday, I sat next to the pond for a while and read. There is a park in Collingswood. It has soccer fields, trees, and a pond. There are benches there to sit on, ducks, geese, and even some fish. It is a nice place to sit on a beautiful summer day. Those summer days will end, soon enough.
When spring came around, I yearned for the warm days and sunshine to be able to go outside. I dislike the cold. Hell, it’s summer still and my feet are still cold, so Winter is not my friend. And now as summer is nearing its end, I find myself feeling reflective and I think about aging and appreciating youth and health.
Autumn is beautiful. It is still warm enough, at least in the beginning, but I love the summer. The sounds, the smells, the warmth! And each year that passes I find myself more and more aware that all of this is temporary. I have not reached the point where I believe all is downhill from here. I have many healthy and vibrant years in me still to come. But I am more aware of the finite nature of life. And I must say that I think that I am now experiencing the full bloom of my summer, these last couple of years, and I hope that there are many more to come.
Anyone who thinks that without a god, or other transcendent perspective we cannot truly value life, is not thinking clearly. It is the limitations of life, its brevity, and it’s frailty that makes it valuable. I must keep reminding myself to not let all of this pas unnoticed or under-appreciated. I must keep reminding myself that this will not last, whether it ends happily or in great pain. There will be a day, hopefully many decades from now, when my consciousness will fade into the oblivion, and I will be no more.
But not today. Today I will go back to that park, sit next to that pond, and I will listen to the sounds, smell the scents, feel the breeze and warm sunshine on my face. I will watch the ducks (perhaps feed them a little) and I will know that geese are assholes. I will live today, and appreciate all that I have.
I appreciate all the wonderful people in my life. We all struggle, together, through this ultimately pointless life, creating meaning together. Except for those whom insist upon fabricating or perpetuating false narratives, we as a species are condemned to the reality together. I have no time to make up stories, as I have too much that is real to enjoy.
Therefore, I do not bow to theologies nor to mere social convention. I am capable of loving who I want to and believing what is true. I will not waste this short life pretending or lying to myself. There is too much that is true to keep my attention and appreciation busy.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have reality to enjoy.