Shifting the standards of communication June 19, 2012Posted by shaunphilly in Polyamory.
Tags: communication, relationships, sex negative, sex positive
The standard social rules, as I understand them, privilege a worldview of monogamy, heterosexuality, and a stance leaning towards sex-negativity. I would like the standards to shift towards polyamory, pansexuality (or at least bisexuality), and sex-positivity. How far should the standards shift? I don’t know. That’s the discussion I want to have (Generally, not necessarily here and with you. Unless that conversation interests you).
This, I think summarizes my primary issue with the whole harassment policy/sex-positivity issue I have been talking about recently.
The way we communicate in this culture has been devised, probably organically, in a world of conservative sexuality; hetero-monogamo-sexnegativity. That is, the rules about how we flirt, express our desires, arose in a world where you had to first determine if the object of your desire is single, interested in your gender, etc.
In an ideal world, it should not matter. If a person directly and respectfully expresses interest, it should not matter if they are married, monogamous, and like only people of not-your-gender. It should not matter if they are asexual. They can simply say that they are not interested, and the world simply moves on.
Granted, it is tiring having to say no many times (just like its tiring explaining what “atheism” and “Polyamory” are many times), but it is better than not expressing what we really want, clearly and unambiguously. That’s my view.
If we get used to directness, it will eventually becomes as natural to us as our current standard of indirectness and politeness. As Nietzsche said;
that may be a strange and insane task, but it is a task