This Means War, really?

I was just about to watch a new episode of Parks and Recreation, which is a show I enjoy watching (in part because I have appreciated Amy Poehler since the days of Upright Citizens Brigade), and of course I ran into an ad.  It’s pretty unavoidable on  Now, usually I ignore the ad and wait for the show to start, but in this case it caught my eye.

No, not because it looked particularly good, not because it looked like it would be one of those movies that is so bad it’s good, but because it just makes me feel shame for our culture and I was left with my jaw hanging in disappointment.

Here’s the trailer.  Watch it if you like, but I’ll summarize what’ important below.

OK, so two male spies who work together are dating the same girl.  They find out, and decide to go about dating her and let her pick which one to choose (because she has to choose, of course).  And of course they will simply go about their business as they would have otherwise and if she does end up picking one or the other they’ll simply go on with their lives, right? Not so much.  This is Hollywood, remember? The world of sensationalized conservative sex values.

So, naturally the men will try to compete with each other, try to trip each other up, and hilarity will ensue.  But they are super Hollywood-style spies, so they have like access to guns, bombs, and planes, so of course it will turn into a militaristic competition for who will get the girl, all with explosions, car chases, and of course spying.

Because, you know, they could not share.  No, good looking, intelligent, and talented men are way too immature, insecure, and territorial for that.  And besides, to prove their manhood they will have to demonstrate that one is better than the other, making the unaware woman for whom they fight a prize, rather than a person.

She should, of course, lose them both, because obviously neither is prepared for an adult relationship.  As to how they actually resolve it, and whatever stupid moral lessons are implied, I will have to find out second-hand.  I will not be seeing this movie.

Perhaps if someone else does they can inform me of what happens.